Sparks

Since my arrival in California I had spent most of my time learning about my new surroundings and looking for work. I had not yet finished my cosmetology certification that I had begun prior to the accident so looking for work was somewhat of a challenge. There wasn’t much of a hurry to find a job since the military was providing for much of our living expenses as we settled into our new home. Mel wasn’t around too much as she spent most of her time on base and the little time that she had off, she spent with her “buddies” visiting local bars as well as those in the surrounding cities.

Mel’s drinking seemed to have increased after our arrival in California but I was never certain whether it was because she had a problem with drinking or if thats just the way life was in the military. All of her friends drank like fish and it didn’t seem to matter what day of the week it was, Mel would come home smashed off her ass. Life seemed to have been a 24/7 party and she was loving it. I did join her and her friends on some occasions to enjoy the nightlife and sometimes would go across the border into Tijuana to party but my tolerance for alcohol at the time was much lower than hers.

Reluctantly, after several visits with her to gay bars in and around the community I was convinced that Mel was a lesbian and that it was not going to change. I knew that it was only a matter of time before our friendship would start to suffer and drift apart. I spent much of my time after that looking for work and making sure that should something happen to our relationship that I could make it on my own. Not an easy task in a place that is far from a major city with no car and no friends or family.

In March of that year I was hired at the local Taco Bell just off the Base in Fallbrook, it was to the point that I could just feel things changing and had to take what I could get. Soon after, Mel approached me at work to tell me that she had been seeing a woman that she really liked and that she would be moving in with her across the base in Oceanside. She told me that the rent was paid until the end of the lease which gave me a little over a 3 months to find a place to live. I felt like I had been punched in the gut and it was somewhat devastating to me at the time but I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming. After that, I found myself somewhat bitter towards her but at the same time I knew in my head that this was a possibility.

The next month flew by and I found myself becoming more and more irritated about the situation and started to get headaches on a regular basis. My stresses were high as one could imagine in the situation that I was in but I kept moving forward until I found a solution to my problem. During my time at “the bell” I was able to work my way into management in hopes that I could make enough money to keep the apartment for a while longer until I found more permanent living arrangements. It was soon after that I hired a girl, Jody, that would eventually become my first memory of a heterosexual relationship and by May would ask me to move in with her, her twin sister and her aunt.

Jody and I fell crazy in love and felt as if we had known one another forever. We did everything together and were probably the most popular couple of all of our friends and I do have to admit, we were quite a team. She was the picture of perfection. Blonde hair, blue eyes, big bright smile. Nothing close to the image of her trailer trash aunt and I always joked with her that she and her sister must have been adopted by another family. We had fun and there was never a shortage of laughter and good times.

Jody had no communication with her parents, molested by her father and abandoned by her mother she and her sister were awarded by the state to her aunt. Her aunt Lynn was somewhat of an odd character, tall and lanky, bad hair and was always….”on”. Looking back on things I could probably conclude that she had some mental issues to include ADHD and possibly, schizophrenia. But I couldn’t judge her as she was providing a roof over my head and allowing me to sleep in the same room as her niece. I had become in some sorts, the man of the house and took on several of the household responsibilities from yard work to running errands to helping pay the bills.

The weeks went by and I was finally living a life that felt somewhat normal but I found myself trying to shake off the headaches that began back in April but they grew more intense so I made an appointment with a doctor on base since I was covered by military health insurance. They examined me and told me it was nothing more than stress, gave me an anti-anxiety prescription and told me to take some aspirin for my headaches. Still, I could not help but feel that it was something more but I just shook it off and continued on.

We had a good group of friends Jody and I, we hung out at the beach, went to the movies and had several gatherings at the house. It was always a good time and there were always several people there and many times, people we didn’t know. There was however, one person in particular that stood out, Jim. Jim was a tall, blonde haired, buffed and blue-eyed ( a California thing I guess) surfer guy that usually was the life of the party and was always single. The one thing I can say about Jim is that he embraced everyone. It didn’t matter if you were the nerd, the ugly, the jock, the stoner or the overall asshole, he never excluded or alienated anyone.

Jim was the first of all of Jody’s friends to befriend me. He had really made an effort to include me in their circle and almost seemed to have taken me under his wing. He knew about my situation and how I had gotten to California and then ended up at Jody’s home. In fact he knew it well as I had found out later on that he had, by some twist of fate, chatted with Mel one night while at a bar in Escondido, a gay bar. Yes it turned out that Jim was gay but was not completely open about it to all of our friends but for some odd reason at that time, I felt such a connection with him.

We hung out more often and before I knew it we became the very best of friends. He began to invite me out with him whether it was to the beach, the movies or just to hangout at the mall. But things started to change one night when he invited me to go with him to that gay bar in Escondido that he had talked with Mel. I accepted the invitation and we were off to have a few drinks and chat. Sitting at the bar chatting with Jim I found myself feeling a little more comfortable being in a gay bar without Mel. I had the same comfort level with him that Mel and I shared. A sense of security I guess but non the less, a place of belonging. The longer I sat, the more familiar things seemed to be and then out of nowhere a headache hits. This time it was a sharp pain that ran from the back of my head straight into my eyes and I just remember closing my eyes and seeing a flash of light and almost feeling a sense of deja vu.

I thought that I might pass out and Jim asked if the headaches were back and if I wanted to go home. I was actually having a good time and didn’t want to but I was very disturbed at the feeling I was having from the headache and thought that it might be a good idea to go home so Jim drove me back to the house. When I arrived at home Jody was waiting up for me and when I walked in the door could see that my headache had come back. “Did something happen” she asked Jim. ”No, we were just sitting at the bar talking and it just hit him” he told Jody. After that Jim left, she got me some aspirin and water and we went to bed.

Somewhere in the middle of the night I was dreaming of bright lights all around me and could hear music and I was dancing. I remember seeing different people standing around me as I moved to the music. I could smell a mix of cologne from the men that were dancing around me as well as cigarette smoke from the other club goers and I couldn’t help but notice that there were no women on the dance floor. All of the women were standing around the dance floor and none of them looked like they were having any fun. I continued to dance and could feel my self spinning as I took in all of the music and the bass starts pounding harder and harder, so hard I could feel it thump throughout my entire body. I spin faster and faster and everything around me starts to blur and the women around the dance floor start to disappear one by one and the dance floor continues to thrive and grow with more men and the smells growing stronger and the lights brighter with every beat of the music until finally everything goes black and I am startled awake.

I woke up drenched and my heart pounding so hard and fast as if I had just finished a 100 meter sprint. I was so jolted awake that I woke Jody. She too was startled after seeing my face and that I was drenched in sweat and trying to catch my breath. “What were you dreaming about” she asked. I didn’t answer her because I really couldn’t remember much only that I was on the dance floor dancing my ass off and I only wanted to catch my breath get some water and go back to sleep. It wasn’t until the days that followed that I would start to remember the details of my dream.