The Dark Menace

Walking through the courtyard alongside the pool, the sun sets over the walls and the light soon fades. The sound of the water gently splashing against the side of the pool mixes with the sounds of the palms of the trees in the courtyard as they sway from side to side. The lights from the interior begin to glow brighter as the sun’s light continues to dim. The other residents have already retreated to their bedrooms for the night and the night watchman has already made his rounds after clocking in for his evening shift. He tips his hat in my direction, I raise my hand and wave and we both smile and continue walking.

The breeze stops suddenly and the palm trees stop swaying and almost seem to stand at attention as if a General had walked into a military barrack. There is no more splashing from the pool, it’s as if time had completely stopped. There was no movement from anything and if felt as if the air had been completely sucked out of my lungs, I can’t breathe. I start to look around to see if there is anyone that can help me, it feels as if I was choking on something. Perhaps I had swallowed my gum or a piece of candy but I couldn't remember putting either of them into my mouth. I could only feel my mouth stretched wide open, gasping and not being able to receive any air. My body begins to convulse and I suddenly feel hands around my head, gripped tightly as to keep me from shaking or breaking free. I stretch my eyes from side to side in hopes to catch a glimpse of the person that has a grip on me and as I look to the left of the pool through the glass where I had just seen the night watchman minutes before, I see all of the residents that had attended group earlier in the day lined up side by side spanning the entire length of the hallway. They were motionless as if under a spell, lifeless. Why had they not tried to help me? Surely they could see that I was in trouble.

I turned my eyes to the right as I felt the hands begin to loosen their grip from my head then I turn back toward the hallway and I see Tracy raise her hand and lay her palm against the window. Her eyes motionless, her face with no expression. I look away from the window and the darkness seems to take over. My eyes begin to flutter and roll to the back of my head and then finally, air passes my mouth and fills my lungs. I open my eyes and with hands around my head I am face to face with a man who I am unfamiliar with. A latin man with a goatee, dark eyes, short hair and a tattoo of a tear drop on the outside corner of his eye. He was shirtless and I could see in my lower peripheral vision that his chest is completely covered in tattoos but I couldn’t quite make out what they were. He smiles cunningly at me and as I begin to struggle he leans his head back and with great force, slams his head against mine.

I scream and struggle some more hoping that I can break free from this person but his grip is too strong and I’ve taken too hard of a blow to the head and just as quickly as I was able to breathe again, the struggle to take in air begins again. My legs are kicking around, my hands on his hands trying to break free from his deadly grip and then he cracks his devious smile once more.

“Diga me!” he says gritting his teeth in what seemed to be a heavy Mexican street slang accent.

It took me a couple of seconds to break the confusion and translate in my mind what he was asking me.

“Diga me cabron!”

“Tell you what?” I said as the tears begin to roll down my face and I continue to kick and struggle.

“Diga me como quieres a morir? HOW DO YOU WANNA DIE PUTO!”

I feel the sharp edge of a knife against my throat and I gasp fiercely, open my eyes and then hear a familiar voice.

“It’s okay, everything is alright, just breathe.”

I continue to thrash and cry out, “get away from me, get him away from me!”

“We’re alone, there isn’t anyone else here.” Said Marylin.

Marylin was one of the night nurses that was also in charge of medications. She was kind to me since I checked in to the hospital. She was actually the nurse that was in charge of my intake at the time of my arrival to Colonial Hills.

“Do you need me to get you something to help you sleep?”

“No that’s okay I’ll be fine,” I said to her as I tried to catch my breath. I was drenched in sweat and the sheets and pillows had been kicked off of my bed.

“I think I’m going to go ahead and get you something to help you sleep, you havn’t been sleeping well since you got here.”

I sat there for a few seconds but it certainly seemed much longer and tried to get the image of that man out of my head and each time I thought about the knife to my throat as well as the tattoo of the tear on his face, I began to break down and cry again.

“It’s going to be okay, you just need to start processing the thoughts and putting them into perspective” she said.

It seemed to me that there was no way to put into perspective something that I had little to no knowledge of. However, it seemed that each time I had these night terrors, I was gathering the pieces that I needed. The question was, was I strong enough to go through this and what would happen once it all came to a head if indeed it ever did? Was it some kind of fear that was terrorizing my dreams or was there something embedded much deeper that was trying to bear its ugly head into my already confused and emotional state of mind?

“I’ll go ahead and take that pill” I said as I grabbed my pillow from the floor clutching it against my chest.

“I’ll be right back” she said as she patted me on the shoulder.

Soon, Marylin returned with a cup of water and a sleeping pill, sat down next to me for some extra re-assurance before she retreated back to the nurses station at the front of the residential wing. It was about 30 minutes before I was able to fully compose myself enough to remain in the room, alone for the rest of the night. I finally laid down and waited for the pill to take effect and soon after, fell into a much-needed relaxed sleep.

The next morning I awoke somewhat groggy from the sleeping pill but got up and began my daily routine. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed and joined the other residents in the rec area before heading down to have breakfast. It wasn’t until I was heading down the hallway to meet the usual suspects for breakfast that I was able to recall most of what happened in the dream that turned me on my head a few hours earlier. As I approached the rec area I couldn’t help but feeling a little uneasy about having to venture down to the area in which my night terror took place. I was determined though that I would not allow these dreams to keep me from moving forward in my rehab so I latched on to Tracy and began our trip down to the dining hall. Tracy had not gotten completely dressed as she usually was or perhaps I should say that Tracy was still in her pajamas and had very little make-up on.

Since I had met Tracy, she had always looked very well put together and to that point had never ventured out of the residential area without her hair, make-up and street clothes on. I thought perhaps that she too might have had a difficult night.

“So we doing pajama party today?” I said to her.

“No darling, my husband decided that he wanted to talk all night so I spent most of the night sitting at the pay phone.”

The residents had a house phone for incoming calls and short outgoing calls but for anything longer than a couple of minutes was the pay phone that was positioned at the farthest end of the residential wing. The nurses usually would try and discourage us from being on the phone for too long especially after lights out. They couldn’t prohibit us though so residents were usually on that phone quite a bit throughout the day and night.

Tracy grabs a cigarette out of her leather holder getting it ready to light just as soon as we walk through the dining room doors, “that fucker only wants me home so that he has someone to do all of his shit for him but enough about me, rumor has it you had quite a night yourself!”

“News travels fast around here huh?”

“Well thats just one of the benefits of being up all night” she says smiling and with a wink. ”You wanna talk about it?”

It was a tempting offer because I had become so comfortable with her but I just hadn’t figured out what the dream or its players represented so I thought it best not to say anything other than, “just the same old night terrors.”

“Oh you’re having those huh?” She said as she lets out a heavy sigh. ”I hated those damned things. You know they have medications for that.”

“Yeah” I responded as I stuck my hands into my pockets, “I got to try one out, I can’t say I remember much after taking it.”

Tracy winked and nodded but I wasn’t sure how to take that. It could have meant that they were a wonderful tool for masking dreams or that it was a way for them to keep us calm and keep them in control. Either way, I was just relieved to have gotten a good night sleep so that I was able to function to some degree and make it through the activities of the day. Luckily it was a light day as I was to meet with my psychiatrist and regular therapist one on one as well as occupational therapy which usually meant I got to spend the afternoon making some sort of arts and crafts project.

We made our way down to have breakfast and when we arrived to the dining hall we had already missed most of the other residents. Our late start though gave us the chance to sit and chat for a while uninterrupted and have some normal conversation about things we did on the outside before our incarcerations. Tracy, it seemed was quite the social butterfly but it wasn’t like I had not already guessed. She ran in circles that were quite of a high-caliber and from what I could gather, her husband was not particularly happy about her having checked herself in because of what the Joneses might have thought. It was evident by the way she talked about the situation that he was very embarrassed about her being there. She, however, could care less of what he thought as long as she was able to use the hospital as a retreat.

“Well darling, I hate to leave such good conversation but I really need to try and get some sleep, you have fun making ashtrays!”

“Ashtrays?” I said puzzled.

“We have occupational therapy today, it’ll either be a bear or an ashtray” she giggles. ”See you later honey.”

“Sleep well!” I said waving as she walked away.

After exiting and walking into the elevator, I turn toward the glass hallway that led to the OT room, took a few steps and stopped. Where my feet had frozen I could see out the window into the courtyard. It was quiet since all of the residents had either gone back to their room or had gone to their next activity for the day so there was no one in the courtyard or pool area. It was very still, then my head began to fill with paranoia about the dream I had very early that morning. In the reflection of the glass, I could see a figure behind me, I froze. I stopped breathing in anticipation of being grabbed from behind and I closed my eyes. Just then, someone placed their hand on my shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

I jumped away and turned around at the same time and gasped nearly tripping and falling over my feet. It was Joan, the occupational therapist.

“I’m so sorry” she said, ” I didn’t mean to scare you at all, you just seemed so far away I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“That’s okay, I was just having a deja vu.” I said as my heart pounded against my chest.

“You are white as a ghost. Are you sure you are okay?”

I trembled for a bit as flashes of the man from my dreams began to fill my mind. The teardrop from his eye, the words that came from his mouth, the very smell of his breath. It was as if we were standing face to face in the same room.

“I think I need to go back to my room and lay down for a bit”, I said to Joan in a panic.

“Would you like me to call someone to come escort you back to your room?”

“No that’s fine” I said as I scurried off toward the elevator.

The images of this man continued to stalk me in the elevator, the hallways and past the nurses station. I just wanted to escape him but he relentlessly pursued me. Finally I reached my room and buried my face into my pillow to try and rid my head of the man whom I had tried to escape from in my night terrors. Over and again the images of him with the words he was saying resonated, it was as if I had been transported to some other time and place to take part in some sick twisted movie.

“Como quieres a morir?” he whispered into my ear.

My heart races and I pull the pillow over my head tighter trying to block out the sound of his voice and the smell of his breath. “Go away”, I yelled.

“You’re mine Puto!” he says holding his knife to my throat.

At that point everything stops. The voices are gone, the smells are no more and my head is finally silent. What had just happened? Was I dreaming while I was awake? Was I imagining the things that were playing in my head? What was it that my was sub-conscious was trying to withdraw from my mind? Everything about what I had just experienced was so real and frightening that it couldn’t possibly have been a dream.

I got up from my bed and looked around hoping that I would find myself alone from anyone that might have been watching or listening. I poked my head out the door and looked up and down the hallway for any activity but there was none, other than my heart trying to slow itself down. All that I had known to be reality I began to question and any amount of normalcy soon turned to dismay and doubt. Something or someone had its grip on me and was not about to let go and until then, I was its prisoner.